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'Pretty Little Liars' react: 'What are you doing here?'

Spoiler alert: If you haven’t watched the March 11 episode of Pretty Little Liars, stop reading now!

My head actually hurts after that episode. Like, there’s a genuine physical throbbing happening in my frontal lobe, and it’s something that only next week can (and hopefully will) fix. But for now, here’s what we learned:

Things started with Spencer chasing a hooded person through the woods when we heard what sounded like a bear trap going off. Then we immediately flashed back to 48 hours earlier, when the Liars were laying out everything they knew: Paige gave the note to the police, Spencer might’ve bashed in the skull of a stranger on the night Ali disappeared, and Ali’s mom might or might not have taken over Mona’s “A” post when she went to Radley.

But wait, what was Jason doing back in town (looking all hot with his new haircut)? Well, Spencer wasn’t about to find out — her car wouldn’t start. Instead, jammed in her ignition, she found an endless stream of photos of a blond girl with the face blacked out. A note read, “You know me Spencer. You killed me.” That definitely isn’t going to help Spencer’s state of mind. But you know what might? Everything about Dean. Am I the only one who’s so into this guy?!

Elsewhere, mamas were popping up as if from nowhere. Ella returned from Vienna to check on Aria, and Ashley was helping Mrs. D plan the “Engage to Change” bridal show. And if that weren’t enough to keep the creepy Mrs. D busy, Detective Holbrook had some news for her: The family photos she dropped off after Ali’s disappearance showed that Ali had broken her arm when she was younger. However, in the coroner’s report, they didn’t find any evidence of a previous break. Basically, they’re going to exhume the body in Ali’s grave, and Mrs. D can’t say anything about it. However, she can say something about Ashley snooping around Ali’s room and finding out that Mrs. D purchased new Ali-sized closed as recently as yesterday. Something’s definitely not right here.

Speaking of things that weren’t looking good, Emily confronted Paige about telling the cops that Ali’s alive. Paige clearly stated that she thinks the cops should be in charge of protecting Ali, but we all know how Emily feels about the situation. By episode’s end, Paige had apologized, but it was too late. She’d already lost Emily’s trust, and therefore, she’d lost Emily.

So as one relationship ended, another began. Hanna and Travis were adorable this episode. Do we call them Havis, because that feels weird. Anyway, after turning Hanna down for a do-over date, Travis agreed to help her sneak into Mrs. D’s house during the bridal show. His line about, “You had me at ‘Could you’” was so incredibly cheesy and yet undeniably adorable. #TeamHavis

But before we got to the bridal show, Emily caught up with Jason, where she learned that he believed it was Wilden who was behind the elevator fall that nearly killed him. And in terms of why he avoided her the other night? Well, he was trying to keep space between himself and Spencer, for his mother’s sake. According to him, Mrs. D was really there for him during his most recent stint in rehab, and he didn’t want Spencer messing with their family … again.

Cue Spencer-related flashback number one, in which Ali told her mother about the anonymous threatening texts she’d been getting. Mrs. D seemed to think Spencer was behind them. She told her daughter to fight fire with fire! If only Mrs. D could see Spencer now, amirite? Poor Spence was curled up and trying to sleep on the couch in order to feel safe. Luckily, she had Dean there to read her to sleep, right up until he fell asleep resting his head on her hip and Veronica fired him. Honestly?! I’ve never hated Veronica Hastings more than I do in this moment.

Across town, however, I was siding with another mom. After Zack called to check in on Ella, Aria went off on her mother about how she left her kids behind and put Zack before them. Calm down, Aria. I know you’re upset, but your mom is right — you practically pushed her out the door. Plus, how was she supposed to know that your adult boyfriend was secretly writing a novel about your recently undead ex-best friend and the mystery of who wanted her dead? Sheesh.

Okay, back to Spencer’s mom, who was doing a bit of snooping when Spencer caught her. Veronica explained the reason that she didn’t want to talk about “that summer” was because it was as though they were living with Spencer and her “evil twin.” Then, Veronica mentioned how Melissa had promised never to bring up the incident that happened before she left for school.

Cue Spencer-related flashback number two, in which Ali was walking home late one night when she found Veronica, in tears, cleaning up what was clearly the remnants of a Spencer-Melissa fight. Veronica wanted to know what was happening to her daughter, but Ali told her, “If I ask her, she might turn on me.” And just as Ali turned the corner, she saw Spencer standing there listening.

Back in present day, Spencer didn’t remember any of it. But she wasn’t the only one whose memory might be faulty. After running into Jason, Spencer asked him about the other blonde he remembered the night Ali died. Was he sure it was CeCe? Well, the answer will have to wait, because Dean’s here! Dean showed up to say goodbye to Spencer, but he wasn’t about to leave without imparting some wisdom. You know that rehab center Jason claimed to be at recently? Yeah, that’s been closed for two years. As if I needed it, I now have another reason to want Dean around — he’s hot and useful! That’s my kind of man.

By now, we were back to where we started the episode with Spencer out in the woods. It was indeed a bear trap, but it only got caught her veil. (Was anyone else hoping it legitimately hurt her? I love Spence, but that would’ve been good drama, and then Dean could’ve rescued her! I know, I can’t let him go.)

Inside, Aria learned that Zack had proposed to her mom — yay! — while Hanna and Emily got in contact with Ali. She was in Philly, and once they found Spencer, they were all going to meet her to find out what happened the night she disappeared. But that would have to wait until after their next “A” threat. Remember how “A” ended last week by sewing Spencer’s dress? Turned out, he/she was sewing finger bones into the inside of the dress — how Spencer didn’t feel them, I have no idea. The note read, “What will you do when the rest of me comes out of the grave?” I could comment about how gross and wrong this was, but I’m just going to move on.

After Ali claimed that her mother knew nothing, the Liars went to Philly, where they found [fill in the blank]. We have no idea. All we heard was the Liar saying, “What are you doing here?” Is it Melissa? Toby? Ezra? Wren? Mona? Jason? CeCe? I could go on, but I have one more scene to talk about. It seemed that “A” had located CeCe at the Red Finch Inn. Seconds later, “A” was dialing the Rosewood Police Department. And … my head explodes.

So what is going on, and is anyone else dying for next week so that we can finally find out what happened the night Ali disappeared?! Who do you all think is in the grave? More importantly, who’s in Philly? Sound off in the comments below!

'Pretty Little Liars' react: The mother of all secrets

Spoiler alert: If you have not watched the March 4 episode of Pretty Little Liars, stop reading now!

For a while now, I’ve been sitting on the theory that “Uber A” is one of the mothers on the show. My top theory was (and maybe still is?) that it was Mrs. Fitzgerald, though Mrs. DiLaurentis was always suspicious. I’ve even considered all of the individual Liars’ moms, keeping a close eye on Ashley and Veronica. But after that episode, could we have found our “Uber A”? Nothing’s ever for certain in Rosewood, but I think it’s a good possibility that dear old Mrs. D isn’t what she seems — except for the creepy part; she is definitely that. READ FULL STORY

'Pretty Little Liars' react: Signed, sealed, delivered

Spoiler alert: If you haven’t watched the Feb. 25 episode of Pretty Little Liars, stop reading now!

As a hardcore Sparia fan, I’m loving and hating these juicy storylines with equal measure, though mostly loving. But that’s partially because I’m feeling semi-confident that we’re maybe, possibly, fingers crossed getting close to some sort of answer. Between Spencer’s flashbacks and Ezra’s book, we at least have some new resources at our fingertips, so let’s dive in! READ FULL STORY

'Pretty Little Liars' react: Confessions of a high school English teacher

Spoiler alert: If you haven’t watched the Feb. 18 episode of Pretty Little Liars, stop reading now!

Alright Liars, what do you think?! Was Ezra telling the truth? Is there still hope for Ezria? And why was that ski lift still operating? Let’s discuss it all! READ FULL STORY

'Pretty Little Liars' react: Pretty little noir

After that episode, I can only hope that the inside of my mind is half as fascinating, beautiful, and dramatic as Spencer’s. Perhaps I should start watching Scorsese’s Mean Streets every night before I fall asleep. But that’s neither here nor there, because we need to talk about all the black-and-white goings on in Rosewood … but really in Spencer’s version of Rosewood. Confused, yet? Well, we’re just getting started.

After Hanna, Emily, and Spencer found Ali’s journal (a little too easily) inside Ezra’s desk, they figured that he was one of the people at the cabin that night. But who was the other? Mona? It seemed highly likely, but considering everyone’s brain was “full,” they decided to press pause on the brainstorming for the night. Hanna and Emily left Spencer alone to watch her favorite film noir and pop some more pills. One on-screen gunshot later, and Rosewood was without color. Welcome to “Shadow Play,” Liars! READ FULL STORY

'Pretty Little Liars' react: The cabin in the woods

Is it just me, or is anyone else incredibly excited that Wren is back in the mix?! (Even if it’s only his name.) Personally, I think he and Ezra would make for one very attractive evil duo. Then again, I’m not sure I want Wren to be bad. Thoughts? Think it over while I recite the takeaways from tonight’s adventure in Rosewood. READ FULL STORY

'Ravenswood' finale react: Hanna's back, (some) mysteries solved

“It’s complicated” might as well be the tagline for this series. No one on the show seems to know how to explain, well, anything, and that kind of makes sense: Ravenswood is one crazy place. And since tonight was the season finale, Ravenswood is (somehow) even crazier than usual. Or as Caleb would tell us, “it’s complicated.”

Hanna returns to Ravenswood for a surprise visit. Why didn’t she call Caleb? Because she likes surprises, duh. Caleb broke up with her, so the real reason she came was to beat up Miranda who she thinks is The Other Woman. When Caleb breaks the news to her that Miranda is dead, and better yet, that he can still see Miranda, she is bewildered. Maybe you don’t like surprises as much as you thought, Hanna! What makes the scene creepy– because this is Ravenswood, after all– is that halfway through the conversation between Hanna and Caleb, Miranda appears. “She thinks you’re crazy,” she tells Caleb. He takes the cue: “You know, for a while, I thought that I might be crazy, but I’m not.” Real convincing, Caleb.

This is hard for Hanna to hear. She was the one who told Caleb to stay in Ravenswood and take care of Miranda. Then she thought he was in love with Miranda. And now she finds out Miranda is dead. At this point, she’s back to liking Miranda and the urge to beat her up has subsided. Instead, she talks to Miranda, meaning she sits in an empty room and rambles on to seemingly no one. She explains why she thought Caleb was in love with the now-ghost, and Miranda hears this and gets excited. Miranda’s affection for Caleb is tough to watch because it’s not like she’s actively trying to take Caleb from Hanna– she likes Hanna and seems to want them to be together. I feel bad for her, but also am Team Hanna and Caleb Forever, so I don’t feel too bad.
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'Pretty Little Liars' react: A little slice of Ezra

Spoiler Alert: If you haven’t seen the January 28th episode of Pretty Little Liars, stop reading now!

I’m not sure about you all, but I’m rethinking every dessert I’ve ever ordered right about now. Who knew that Ezra’s secret identity could all fall apart over a beer and a piece of Boysenberry pie?! And yet, now we (and Spencer) know: Ezra is Board Shorts! Ali came up with the nickname based on the brand of beer — Board Shorts Ale — that Ezra used to order when they’d meet up at The Hart & The Huntsman bar to discuss her writing. Did anyone else cringe when they kissed in that flashback? I can’t tell if it was more of an age thing or a creepy-Ezra thing, but I’ll let you decide while I catch you up on what else happened in Rosewood.

For starters, Mike and Mona are dating and doing some uncomfortable-to-watch kissing of their own! Aria obviously wasn’t happy to discover that tidbit of information — another week, another woman for Mike — but the new guidance counselor, Jesse, encouraged his students to find “common ground” with each other. Also, he told Aria that she was a little angry inside. Oh, Jesse, you never should’ve come to Rosewood if you think Aria’s anger is the thing to worry about. Around here, the mental problems are plentiful, and it’s highly likely you will be threatened, killed, or chased out of town. Welcome!

So as Aria took out her anger on Maggie, who showed up without Malcolm, making me wonder if Ezra had told the truth last week, Emily was dealing with her high stress levels. Her dad had come home to help her through all the recent trauma, but things only worsened when she nearly stabbed him with a pair of scissors. With that, Daddy Fields decided Emily needed an extracurricular activity, so how about she co-direct the school play with Ezra? Not the best idea. In fact, it was a pretty bad one. When Emily stayed after school to make copies of the script, “A” took the opportunity to attack. Cue the heavy metal and the flashing lights. Emily quickly backed herself into a room and called her dad, who showed up in just enough time to scale the freakin’ school like he was Spider-man and save his daughter. Mr. Fields definitely wins the Liam Neeson award for Rosewood dad I’d want if I were ever taken. Then again, he did kind of have a heart attack afterward, which Neeson would never do. But I guess I’ll let it slide this time.

When “A” wasn’t messing with Emily, he/she was going after Hanna, who, in a shocking turn of events, had taken up reading! She was big into James Patterson’s mystery novels — the Alex Cross series is always a good choice — which caused her to do a number of unexpected things. First, she bumped into Detective Holbrook and the two shared a very intriguing connection (after he apologized for everything). And then, she made a dentist appointment to try and find out how Ali’s body was identified through dental records in the first place. However, just as she grabbed the records, “A” grabbed her, knocked her out, and left a note in her gums. Yes, you read that right. “A” left what had to be the teeniest, tiniest threat in the history of threats in Hanna’s gums. It read: “I told you dead girls can’t smile. Stop looking.”

Good luck with that one, “A,” because Spencer just discovered the mother lode of all leads. After stealing some pills from Hot Nerd Andrew, Spencer decoded one of Ali’s diary entries. She then headed to Ali’s old hangout, The Hart & The Huntsman, where she ran into Ezra, who was drinking Board Shorts Beer and eating Boysenberry pie. Can someone give me a quick refresher on everything we know about Board Shorts? Was he a part of the night Ali was “murdered?” I remember the Cape May stuff, but I swear I lose track of these people. Also, when did Spencer show Andrew her “side boob?”

In our final “A” scene of the night, the hooded figure shredded the dental records and put them back in the talking bird’s cage. With the return of the bird also came the return of all things Cape May. “A” had a map posted on the wall.

So what did you all think of the episode? What was Mona and Ezra’s meeting about? Do you trust the new guidance counselor? And who can tell me where I can try some Board Shorts Ale? That stuff sounds delicious.

'Pretty Little Liars' react: The calm before the storm

I can feel it in the air. Something big is about to go down in Rosewood. Not only is Ezra yelling at random blondes in the middle of the street, but he’s slipping knives into Jake’s punching bag! I told you he was getting sloppier. Not to mention the fact that Ali is back, Hanna is breaking things, and Spencer seems to be spiraling (again). The storm is brewing, Liars! This should be fun.
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'Pretty Little Liars' react: Dear diary...

Just when you start to forget why these girls are called the “Pretty Little Liars,” they remind you. Or, in this episode’s case, they beat you over the head with the fact that they almost do nothing but lie…even to each other. (Yes, I still love them.)

Let’s start with Ali, whose diary was what Spencer referred to as “creative nonfiction with pseudonyms.” So, because Ali couldn’t even be upfront with her journal, the girls had to figure out how to decode it. Spoiler: There was color-coding involved. Their plan was simple: Weed out the stories about them, and see what was left (which hopefully meant a story or two about board shorts).

With Emily off to start the decoding, she got a late-night visit from the author herself. Well, I think she did. In this could-have-been-a-dream-but-likely-was-real scenario, Ali explained that she doesn’t know who’s after her. But then Emily’s alarm clock went off, so maybe it was a dream? Great, now the show isn’t even being upfront with me…not that it ever has been.
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